Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
