come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
