did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
