im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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