she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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