Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I need moral support for this bender
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
