im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
