Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
