you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize