I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
