so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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