I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize