everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
