Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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