i already hear my dad disowning me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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