god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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