I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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