I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
