there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
