I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
