How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i now understand why vodka
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
