chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
