Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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