I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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