Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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