Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
