What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
