I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
