So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
