I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
