i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Alive.
So much puke
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
