yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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