Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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