Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize