i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He passed out mid-signature
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
