Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
