Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
