she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
