is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
