I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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