yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
