Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
