I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
