Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize