tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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