I bet he comes in French.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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