Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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