cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
