it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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