Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
