If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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