rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
