i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize