If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
