end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
