It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
