I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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