if you like me you must not know who I am
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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