I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you never un-have a 4some
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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