We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
