Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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