is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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