We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
