i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
