If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Green mimosas i think yes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
