Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
