I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
