For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
