Me. At least after what I've been through.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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