whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
