Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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