I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
