Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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