He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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