i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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