Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
