Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
