I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
