My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
