She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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