i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
