I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
