I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
