the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
