sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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