Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We left an ass print on the piano.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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