mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
