he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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