Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
