She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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