During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
