Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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