My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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