Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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