Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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