Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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