I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
