no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
