drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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