well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
