You really coming over, don't trick.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
