I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need to calm my uterus...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
