the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
