I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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