Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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