I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I want is dick and wine.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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