Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
