Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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