Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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