i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
