hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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