Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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