dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
