I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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