i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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